Mens sana in corpore sano – a healthy mind in a healthy body… The Roman poet Juvenal wrote that these qualities were all that a person should really pray for.  The implication, I suspect, being that the rest is up to the individual.  Not a bad notion, really.

Today, the phrase generally implies the necessity (or benefit) of a healthy body to house a healthy mind.  And, my apologies to Juvenal, but in the context of productivity, that’s where we are going today.  We all know the abysmal state of physical fitness in modern, middle-class America.  The media slaps us with obesity, diabetes, joint disease, attention disorder, depression, and nutrition statistics daily.  We know that we should eat more fruits and vegetables, less fast food, drink more water and less soda, drive less and walk more.  We know…but we’re busy.

One of my favorite bloggers is Linda Formichelli of The Renegade Writer blog.  In fact, her Get Unstuck e-book kick-started my recent productivity kick.  A long time health and fitness writer, Linda has recently started a wellness coaching business at happyfitcoaching.com.  I recently had a wellness consultation with Linda via telephone.  We discussed my fitness/wellness goals, how those goals tie in with my writing goals, and what factors keep me from working toward those goals.

While I’m actually not far away from the level of fitness I seek, I’ve found that it doesn’t take much to derail me from any sort of wellness program.  Like many writer/reader types, I’m a bit of a couch potato at heart, and like many women, I tend to put just about everything in the world ahead of my own needs.

How does this relate to productivity?  Simple.  Like a good perfectionist, most of my excuses for not meeting any of my goals from diet to exercise to writing revolve around a litany of “necessary” tasks.  I can’t run; I need to get the kids ready for school.  I can’t run; I have a deadline coming up.  I can’t run; there’s laundry to do.  The list is endless.

But, talking with Linda helped me look at fitness from a different angle.  How does my physical fitness affect my productivity?  Is exercise really sucking time and energy from my work and home life, or does it enable me to approach both in a more focused manner.

When I thought about my schedule and output on the days in which I exercise compared to the days where I skip my run to focus on “getting things done,” I found that I’m often far more productive when I exercise.  I’m less distractable while I’m writing; I don’t get as sleepy in the afternoon; I don’t wander about aimlessly before settling down to work; and frequently, I wind up sorting out unruly article outlines, finding ledes, or writing blog posts in my head while my mind is occupied by the feel of the morning air and the ache in my calves.

Emotionally, too, everyone benefits.  When I exercise, I feel better, my family gets a more focused me, and professionally, I’m able to cope with set-backs and move forward in a useful manner.  As for the daily routine, I’ve found that my recent switch to running during the 7:00 hour while my kids are getting ready for school has actually improved the mornings.  It turns out, that my managing the morning breakfast/lunch prep was slowing things down.  Without me to chivvy them along, the kids have risen to the occasion, and become more productive in their own right.

The mind can only work so hard on its own.  Though we often forget, the mind is just another organ in the body.  If we don’t support the entire system with proper nutrition and exercise, no one part can function optimally.

In the meantime, what does awareness mean to you?  How and when do you ‘check out?’  Tune in?  How does your awareness affect your communications?

After years in large animal medicine, I’m pretty aware of my physical surroundings — sort of a survival trait.  But, if I’m uncomfortable or upset, I can lose entire conversations.  For me, awareness translates into understanding my own responses to a situation and helping myself to take action rather than to react.  How about you?

I’ll be back next week with the next productivity installment.

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it…

– Rudyard Kipling, “If”

Patriarchal, colonial associations not withstanding, one of my favorite poems is “If” by Rudyard Kipling.  Granted, Kipling ends the poem with the line, “And — which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!” but I’ve learned not to let that phrasing ruin what is an otherwise perfectly good set of suggestions for life.

Poems, even free verse, have a rhythm that turns the poem from a string of words into lines that haunt our minds and tug at our emotions.  For most of us, life, too, has a rhythm, moments when we are at our most productive, and moments when we are anything but.  When we find our rhythm, filling Kipling’s “unforgiving minute” is a breeze.  When we fight that rhythm, the breeze turns into a tornado.

Last week, we discussed developing a system.  The system provides a framework for the rhythm of the day.  The trick now, is to find your own rhythm.

As a society, we aren’t well adapted to the notion of treating ourselves as individuals.  We conform to unified laws and social mores.  We attend schools that teach a set curriculum, and we take standardized tests.  We live in tract homes and get our fashion sense from mass-circulated media.  Outliers are not generally welcomed by a social structure that embraces conformity.

From an evolutionary standpoint, homogeneity makes sense.  Distinctive members of a herd are more likely to be pinpointed by predators.  However, the undeniable fact remains: we are each individuals.  Physiologically, emotionally, mentally: we all function differently.  And attempting to fit our work, rest, and play into standardized rhythms works about as well as everyone wearing hip-hugger, skinny jeans.

I am a morning person, and have been for the bulk of my life.  In college and veterinary school, I used to feel inadequate for not being able to pull “all-nighters” like my most diligent peers.  Most of them didn’t need the all-night cram sessions since they studied constantly anyway, and consequently, the ability to study round-the-clock prior to an exam had some uncomfortable moral undertones.

Like it or not, though, I wasn’t wired that way.  By 9 pm my brain shuts down, by 11, I can no longer see.  I would slink away from study groups ashamed and certain that I would be the only one to fail the midterm.

Fast forward…I earned my DVM along with my peers despite my tendency to turn into a pumpkin before midnight.  However, I still lose interest in conversation by about 8pm, and often need to be “tucked in” before the 9:00 bedtime of our oldest daughter.

Yet, I’ve found ways to turn my early-bird nature into a rhythm that works for me.  I wake up at 4:00, giving myself time for a good breakfast and to find out if the Twitterverse exploded during the night.  By 5:00 I’m at my computer.  Crazy?  Maybe.  Virtuous?  Not really.

A friend has told me that I accomplish more before 10am than most people do in a day.  Possibly so, and necessarily so, since by afternoon, I’ve lost all steam and am lucky to complete one or two fairly menial tasks.

I’m lucky.  As a writer, I essentially create my own schedule.  Other than meetings or interview times, my day is my own.  Sometimes this is problematic, particularly if I don’t have the looming shadow of a near deadline for motivation.  However, I’ve learned ways to structure my day so that I can accomplish my most mentally or emotionally challenging tasks in the mornings.  Plus, it never hurts to be able to send an East Coast editor an e-mail from California and have it time-stamped before they arrive in the office.

Yet, even within a fixed-hour schedule, many of us have some degree of flexibility.  If you’re dreading project A, can you knock it off your list when you first get into your office?  Can you plan repetitive or light tasks for after lunch when you may be feeling a bit logy?  If you’re a night owl, is there work you can take home?

Speaking of night owls, the daily rhythm can be incorporated into the home as well as the workplace.  Partners with disparate rhythms can actually maximize the use of the day if they respect each other’s needs.

I mentioned that I wake up at 4:00.  I’m married to a man who often comes to bed at 2:00 am.  Disaster?  Not really.  Without really discussing it, we each work within our best time.  I tackle the morning school/lunch prep frenzy while he is better able to handle slumber parties, late night laundry, and party clean up.

So what’s your rhythm?  And, how can you make it work for you?

In the first post of this series, we talked about “killing” the inner perfectionist.  Since that was admittedly hyperbole, it’s okay just to rein him/her in a bit.  Even better, give that perfectionist a job.  The perfect task for the perfectionist – developing a system — just don’t let her get carried away.

Those who know me could tell you that Systematic is not my middle name.  Most of the time, I would rather chew off my own foot than perform any sort of repetitive, mundane task.  I abhor most of the tools of organization and linear thought: spreadsheets, numbers, and files.  Articles that require supporting data are generally dotted with TKs (journalism shorthand for “to come” – no, don’t ask me about the K, I majored in Animal Science) until the final draft.  Numbers get plugged into my work when there is absolutely nothing fun left to do.

Unfortunately, the universe refuses to allow me to flit through life in my preferred butterfly fashion.  As a freelancer, I have numerous clients, sources, deadlines, notes, files of supporting research, and correspondence to keep straight.  Within a couple of months, it became obvious that I needed a system – quickly.  Otherwise, the amount of time wasted tracking down bits of paper, files, and bibliographies would have exceeded the hours in the week.

I won’t bother detailing my system: it’s quirky, and while it works well for me, probably wouldn’t be all that helpful to others.  However, I can tell you a few key points:

1. Hard copy mirrors computer – both systems are file-based, and my e-mail, hard-drive, and hard-copy files all have analogous categories.  This way, when I’m working on an article, I can use the same search parameters whether I’m looking for interview notes (hard copy), e-mails, or a supporting PDF file.
2. I’m never without a notebook – in medicine, the saying goes: “If you didn’t write it down, it didn’t happen.”  In writing, not only did it not happen, but it won’t happen if I don’t write it down.  I have notebooks for proposed projects, ongoing projects, and random ideas.  I have a small notepad that I keep in my purse and a legal pad that slides into a portfolio for meetings.  I also keep a notepad on my desk next to my laptop.  This notepad is essential for step 4.
3. Sometimes it pays to outsource – about a month ago, I made my best business investment to date.  I needed to upgrade my filing system, and had been dreading the task.  So I opted to pay an expert.  For the flat fee of $10, my twelve year old daughter labeled new, color-coded files (per my specifications), re-filed my work appropriately, filed clips with the original article notes, archived completed article files, and saved me about two hours of work in the short term, and probably 20-30 min/day since.  Best $10 ever.
4. Lists – This is where the notepad in step 2 comes in.  Every morning, as my computer warms up, I write down the things I absolutely need to accomplish that day.  Then I add a goal or two.  There are a few key aspects to successful list usage:
   1. Don’t overdo it – it’s easy to get discouraged if you reach the end of the day with a large percentage of unchecked items on your list.  Start with 4 or 5 critical tasks, and break large tasks down into small pieces.
   2. If you accomplish something not on the list, write it down and cross it off – this sounds silly, but it helps.  Crossing off a task can feel like its own reward, and the more productive you feel, the more productive you are likely to be.
   3. Mark the frogs – there is a productivity tip called “eating the frog.”  Essentially, this means getting the least pleasant tasks out of the way first.  That way, the dread of the task isn’t lurking in the back of your head, sucking brainpower all day.  Since it isn’t always possible to accomplish some of my dreaded tasks at the beginning of my writing day (I’ve noticed that people generally decline to be interviewed at 5:30 am), I mark the tasks that I find myself procrastinating on.  Those items MUST get done by the end of the day.
   4. Speaking of frogs…– don’t be a slave to the list.  One of my favorite children’s books is Frog and Toad Together, by Arnold Lobel.  In one of the stories, Toad proudly begins his day with a list of all the things he means to do that day.  However, while he and Frog are on their walk, the list blows away.  Toad sits down – he can’t do anything that wasn’t on the list, and he can’t remember the list.  Frog, his good friend, stays with him until the sun drops over the horizon, and Toad remembers the last thing on his list: “Go To Sleep.” 

Frog, Toad, and my list

Like Toad, we are sometimes subject to capricious winds.  The system may not always work: our lists may vanish, the car may break down, the kids might get sick, the dog might actually eat the report, the internet may fail.  Sometimes, the best method of working with a system is to be willing to let it go for the day if things aren’t going according to plan.

Next: Find Your Rhythm

photo credit: iStockphotos.com

No, I’m not suggesting you off that annoying co-worker, yeah, not even the one who stacks papers in her in-box with hospital corners and puts doily-draped trays of organic, whole-grain, oven-baked, gluten-free, free-range donuts in the break room.  She’s not your problem; the donuts may even enhance productivity, who knows!

The perfectionist who bogs you down works much closer than the next desk or office over.  He/she occupies vast tracts of real estate in your brain.  She (I’m female, and so is my inner-perfectionist, sorry) has spread her color-coded files and post-its all over your work space and stuck flow charts across your self-confidence.  She needs to go.  You don’t have to kill her.  Just send her to a beach somewhere; let her sip a sugar-free, carb-free drink with an umbrella while you roll up your sleeves and get to work.  She can come back when it’s time to edit, proof-read, or check the final numbers.

Perfectionism has no place in the work process.

“What?” you ask.  “Isn’t perfect supposed to be the goal?”  Well, it’s a lovely concept, but given that work is done by actual human beings (or computers programmed and operated by actual human beings) perfect is unattainable.  Still, if you want to set that as your goal, go ahead.  My father fears dying in a penguin stampede – I’m not one to critique the individual quirk.

However, perfectionism impairs the process.  Getting a job done: be it an article, a report, a meeting, a proposal, a job interview, organizing the garage, or implementing a marketing plan is a messy process.  This is blood and guts work.  It requires sweat, broken fingernails, and the ability to scrap the plan and start over.  Inner perfectionists are kind of prissy and horribly pessimistic.  They see the mountain of crap to be shoveled and sorted through, and they panic.  “That could fall on us,” they say.  “If we don’t meet the Friday deadline, our reputation will be ruined.”  “That person will never agree to be interviewed if there is a run-on sentence in the e-mail.”  “It’s too big.  It’s impossible,” the perfectionist wails.  And, so, the job sits.  Stalled on the road because the perfectionist wouldn’t let you just fill the tank with low-octane gas when that was all that was available.

We’ve all been there.  What item is on your to-do list, and has been for days, weeks, maybe even months?  Why is it still sitting there?  It’s not improving with age, is it?  Chances are, the perfectionist has her (ok, or his) teeth into it, and is worrying the stuffing out of the idea.  It’s now reached the point where other than moving it onto the next day’s list, you can’t even look at the item, hasn’t it?

Ok, here’s the plan:

1. Banish the perfection ideal
2. Embrace “Good enough”
3. Ask yourself what the worst consequence of failure would be.  Chances are it’s no worse than not starting at all.
4. Do it.
5. Treat yourself to a piece of chocolate (or whatever) when you cross it off your list.
6. Repeat

We all have our perfectionist bugaboos.  Most likely, they’re tied into the things we fear.  Mine is interview requests and arrangements.  I have a deep seated fear of “bothering” people.  Send e-mail to Expert A will sit on my list for several days before I bite the bullet, type a few sentences, hold my breath, and hit SEND.  My inner perfectionist loves to tell me stories of how important and busy Expert A is; how insignificant I am; how I haven’t researched the topic in enough depth – I didn’t read beyond the abstract on that paper A published five years ago, and I don’t remember the co-authors, etc.  The perfectionist then decides that to compensate for my shortcomings, I need to find the perfect hook for my e-mail.  The message must be brilliant, charming, appropriately flattering, grammatically impeccable, and miraculously contain the exact salutation and closing preferred by a person with whom I’ve never corresponded.  I can’t possibly send this person an e-mail that isn’t the most brilliant thing he or she has ever read.

Reality: No one cares.  The person responding to my request for an interview cares about his or her own specialty and schedule.  He or she could care less about my wording and punctuation so long as I manage to appear literate and make the request clear.  Worst case scenario: Expert A declines to be interviewed and I move on to Expert B.  Most likely, A was not repulsed by my misplaced apostrophe.  And, if I don’t write the stupid e-mail and hit SEND, I’ll never get the interview anyway.

When I was in veterinary practice, my technician used to say, “Will it matter 100 years from now?  Or even 5?”  Sometimes – in life and death decisions – the answer was “yes.”  More frequently, however, the answer was “no, this is good enough.”  With that, I was able to stop obsessing and get the job done.

Now don’t mistake me: “Good Enough” does not mean, “I can do sloppy work and no one will care.”  Good enough just means that accepting that the work can only be done to the best of one’s ability and circumstances.

Next up:

Find a System

The desk when organization fails

Because Everyone’s Gotta Have One…

…here’s my disclaimer:  I’m not a business manager, physician, nutritionist, life-coach, exercise physiologist, or mental-health professional.  In short, I’m not a productivity “expert.”  Tips in this series are, as labeled, from “the trenches,” from the desk of a work-from-home writer/veterinarian/mom who learns the art of juggling by periodically dropping the ball (usually on her head.)

Some Background

Over the past six months, I have transitioned from full-time work as an ambulatory, large-animal veterinarian to full-time writer, working from a home office.  This switch has required a significant transition in my thinking, planning, and overall time management.  In the past, my day was scheduled for me, and though emergencies could (and did!) arise that would tweak the schedule, within its framework, my days were pretty predictable.  I commuted to work, had certain nights on-call, and knew exactly how much of my week was left over for household chores, family time, and recreation.  Life was busy, chaotic, and often exhausting, but it had the advantage of a set structure.  Fast-forward a few months.

Today, instead of one employer who had at least a rough idea of my daily schedule, I have multiple clients, each with their own needs and deadlines.  My commute is considerably shorter – about 30 seconds vs. 30-60 minutes.  However, there are some significant hurdles on the path to productivity.  Other than deadlines, which often fall weeks ahead, or intermittent meetings or interviews, I have no fixed points around which to structure the day. With three children, family time tends to bleed into work time, and in compensation, vice versa.  Household tasks, rather than sitting quietly in their defined time-slots, tend to mock me from outside my office doors.  Exercise is no longer built into my work; sitting at a desk just doesn’t give the same strength training as working with horses and cattle. And, possibly the largest potential barrier to productivity – at the end of the day, the only boss to whom I report is myself.

My taskmaster

With all of this in mind, I’ve been forced to think a lot about productivity and organization, scouring books, the internet, and my own trial-and-error efforts for a “better” way to do things. Chatting with friends and colleagues has helped me to realize that I’m not alone in my attempts to function in this over-scheduled, instant-contact world. So, in this blog series, I’ll be passing along any techniques and treasures I pick up along the way.  Coming tomorrow…

Kill the Perfectionist

It’s hard not to view changes – particularly of the forced variety – as setbacks, even failures.  It is difficult not to see the need for a change as a failure on our part to plan adequately or to take the necessary steps for success.  If we have to change the plan, we have failed to control the situation.

Of course, chances are, the situation was never ours to control anyway.  Like it or not, as we go through our projects, plans, and lives, circumstances shift.  Events occur over which we have no control.  Zero.

At moments like these, it’s important to employ something that mental health professionals call a “reframe.”  Step back from the experience, walk around it, and try to look at it from all angles.  Is the change really a failure?  Does changing the plan mean that you cannot achieve your desired outcome, or does it simply mean a delay, a different path, a change in budget, or a change in time management?

These two watercolors were painted on the same beach on very different days.  The perspective is slightly different, the lighting very different, and the weather was entirely different.  Yet, it is the same headland, same lighthouse, same ocean.  The circumstances change the picture.

Artist - C. Corp-Minamiji

More often than not, in order to achieve the picture in our heads or the goal on the outline, we need to be willing to shift the protocol to meet the circumstances.  Flexibility is not failure.  By re-framing the situation, we may even be able to accomplish a more desirable outcome.  While the sunny day at the beach was easier, I actually prefer the stormy version in the final painting.  The colors and mood are richer.

Artist -- C. Corp-Minamiji

What about you?  How can you re-frame your plans?

photo credit: iStockphotos

No one likes to feel disregarded. However, we tend to react to views that conflict with our own opinions or plans in one of two ways.

1. Shout it down/Ignore it – if you don’t hear the problem, it doesn’t exist.
2. Allow ourselves to be steamrollered into jettisoning our plans.

There are obvious problems with either approach. In the first instance, ignoring the whistleblower, critic, or naysayer doesn’t make them go away, and it doesn’t address the key question. What if they are right? For extreme examples, look at the plethora of lawsuits and even criminal convictions that have stemmed from instances of management ignoring, firing, or brushing off an employee who brings up a problem.
A less dramatic, but possibly more insidious effect of ignoring the naysayer is upon morale. Years ago I worked for an employer with grand plans but a limited ability to nail down specifics. When I would question a part of the plan, point out a difficulty, and raise an alternate solution, I was almost invariably brushed off with a condescending “I know better than you” attitude. Needless to say, these interactions did little for my loyalty to the company or enthusiasm for the project in question.
The morale issue does not apply only to employees. Customers who meet with stonewalling are likely to broadcast their negative experiences elsewhere. In the age of Facebook, Twitter, etc, can any company afford that?
I recently had two experiences that demonstrated great ways of allowing others to feel heard.
In the first case, while enjoying an evening out with friends, I struck up a conversation with a mother whose office is also in her home. Naturally, we started trading tips on setting work/play boundaries with small children in the summer time. She mentioned a great Non-Violent Communication technique she had learned. When her six-year old invades her work, rather than using my “Out!” approach, she says, “Wow, it sounds like you’d really like to play. I wish I could play with you, too, but I have to get this done first. If you can let me finish this alone, I’ll be able to play X game with you after. But, if you keep coming in, I won’t be able to get it done and we won’t be able to play.” What she spends in words, she saves in repeat interruptions. Her child feels heard, and has an incentive not to bug mom. Probably beats my iron-clad “This is my work-space. You may not enter” rule for both morale and disaster prevention. The child who feels heard is less likely to break things.
The second episode took place at a school meeting this weekend. A few parents raised some concerns with the wording of a verse the children will say at the beginning of school each day. Rather than dismissing the concerns or locking into a “this is the way it is always done” mindset, the teacher drew the parents out, making certain she heard and understood their worries and solicited input from the rest of the parents. Her final words lead me to the discussion of the second approach to negative feedback that we discussed earlier. To paraphrase, she said that she would have to go home and think carefully about what was said, that she would consult with the other faculty, but that ultimately the decision would be hers.
With that simple statement, my child’s teacher deftly avoided falling into that second trap – the “I give up. I must be wrong since someone has a problem, so I just won’t do this or I’ll do it their way.” We are particularly prone to falling into this mindset when the negative, critical, or fearful voices come from within. It’s very easy to alter plans, procrastinate, or just plain ditch an idea for expanding our business or life when faced with negatives either from those around us or from within.
The trick is to give those voices a forum (yes, even the internal voices), to find a way of objectively weighing each point, to see if there are ways to solve or avoid potential problems with the idea, and to ultimately move forward with faith that the plan has been strengthened through input.

Humans are communal creatures.  At our root we are pack animals.  This means that we gravitate toward strong leadership. The presence of an alpha makes us feel secure.  While most adults are able to choose between a waffle and cereal for breakfast, we too can be overwhelmed by an excessive array of options.

When we patronize a business, we want the sense that there is an alpha; that someone is in charge.  We want to feel assured that our purchase is the right one for us.  It is difficult to obtain that sense of security when confronted with myriad colors, flavors, and add-ons.  When the salesperson says, “Well, this should meet your needs, but you could also go with this, or over here we could go in this direction…” our confidence begins to waver.  How many of us have visited a big-box electronics store, firm in our mission, only to leave an hour later, empty-handed and bewildered?

Diversification can be a means of survival for a small business, when done properly.  When attacked with a ‘more, bigger, better’ approach, however, the result can be disastrous.  The primary asset of a small business is personalization.  Customers feel secure that someone is in charge, that someone knows the product intimately.  If patrons feel that the focus is lost, however, that security will evaporate.

Even large corporations have faced this consequence.  A recent article in our local newspaper discussed the failure of a prominent fast-food chain to bounce back from the recession.  One of the factors implicated was the overwhelming diversity of this chain’s menu.  Chicken, tacos, egg rolls, hamburgers…customers may have a hard time believing that any restaurant can provide a quality product in all of these areas, and so may lose trust completely.  People who are still feeling the pinch in their own wallets may be more likely to spend their precious cash on a sure bet – the burger from a chain serving burgers, fries, and shakes.

So, do you want waffles or cereal?  Quick.  Tell me.  Or, you could go with toast.  Over the next few months, my personal goal is to refine my focus for this site, to clarify my niche, and to provide you the security of knowing what is being offered.  Let me know how I do.

Relationship is one of those words that has gotten a bad rap, becoming more muddled and superficial with each passing year.  What is a relationship?  And then there is the phrase “in a relationship” – code for ‘having sex’, right?  But what of sex outside of any formalized arrangement?  Or committed bonds that don’t involve sex?  Which is “the relationship?”  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say all.  Every human interaction.  All of it is to some extent a relationship.  Yep, that’s right, you – me, we’re in a relationship.  Oh, and by the way, you are also in a relationship with my husband, best friends, children, parents, high school teachers, and great-great grandparents.  Feeling suffocated yet?

To every interaction, we bring not only ourselves, but the sum of our interactions with others.  We are to a large degree the result of our contacts.  When I type a sentence, the words are not just mine.  They have been influenced by my spouse, the squabbles of my children, my own childhood, a conversation with a friend, and even that guy who opened the door for me at the post office.

So, how does this pertain to business, you ask?  Come on, I thought you could read.  Go back a couple of paragraphs and catch up, would you.  Ok, good, you’re back.  Say it with me: “It’s all a relationship.”   Thank you.  Now, what do relationships need?

• Communication:  Yes, I know, this one gets a giant, “DUH!”  But remember, communication is a two-way street; it involves both conveying your message and listening to the other party.  This is harder than it sounds.
• Honesty:  This one can go by any number of buzzwords – “openness,” “transparency,” etc.  But at its core level, honesty involves not only telling the truth, but looking as closely as possible at yourself (your company, your policies, etc.)   How can you be honest, open, transparent, etc. with your clients if you do not look into the dark, cobwebby corners of yourself?
• Vulnerability:   The most successful businesses (and relationships) are those that take risks, that open themselves to criticism or ridicule.  Why?  Those are the models that will break new ground.  There is also another, basic reason to embrace vulnerability.  For all that we strive for “perfection,” humans don’t really like perfect.  Perfect is boring, intimidating, and unattainable.  Vulnerability gives the other party a chance to be imperfect too.  That’s the other side of this vulnerability coin – give your clients the opportunity to show their own imperfections.  Let them ask silly questions without fear of ridicule.  Allow them space for their own fears and concerns to be heard.  Don’t rush to shut down the negative, to do damage control so fast that people feel as though they’ve been sucked up by a giant Dust Buster.  Let their vulnerabilities have room.
• Boundaries:  Huh?  What?  What about all of that stuff about communication and vulnerability?  Now you’re telling me to put up walls?  Well, to some extent, yes.  Why did people build walls around medieval cities?  To keep out invaders, to protect the things that they valued.  Our boundaries help us to both protect and to display that which we value.  We set boundaries for our children because we value their safety.  We set boundaries with our partners and spouses to maintain equal footing within the relationship.  And we set boundaries in our business: hours, pricing, policies, these things can actually enhance the business relationship.  They show that we value our services and our free time.  They provide consistency which equates to safety.  When we discount our services without purpose, or allow unfettered access to our personal time, we devalue ourselves and thus the relationship.

Relationship building?  Well, to borrow yet another social-media catchphrase, “It’s complicated.”